Career Training

I think a lot about the sort of work I’d do, when I do go back to work-work, whenever that is.

Last night I realized I have acquired a new set of skills (not unlike Liam Neeson), spending my days with an irrational, adorable, button-pushing little two-and a half year-old — and I’m pretty sure I’m now well-qualified for a variety of new positions.

Hostage Negotiator. It’s 4 a.m. You need to listen to a list of ridiculous demands (“I want water! I don’t want to sleep! I want to read! There’s a crab on my floor, get it out of here! I don’t want THAT water!”) and then convince someone it’s a good idea to go back to sleep. But you also need to make them think that it’s their idea, and that’s what they’ve wanted all along. Bonus points if everyone makes it out alive.

Chambermaid. This, unfortunately, is not that funny. But I can change a set of bedsheets in a flash.

Close-up Magician. What’s that? You want to play with this valuable/expensive/irreplaceable thing we own. But what’s this ovvverrr herrreeeee?! Ahhhhh, look at what I’m doing with my hands!, and listen to the interesting story I’m telling you!, and WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOUR EAR?!

Slapstick Comedian. Toddlers (especially boys) think you falling and/or hurting yourself is hilarious. And if you smell something stinky? Oh man, it’s all over. At least once a day I’m always a few minutes away from a Chris Farley-esque fall onto a breakaway coffee table, or hitting myself with a fake bottle.

Animal Control Officer. Successfully changing the diaper of someone who DOES NOT want their diaper changed right now, can’t be that much more difficult than say, catching an opossum in a cage, or a snake in a net.

I’m lucky I can stay home with Gus for the foreseeable future. I can’t even imagine what else I’ll be able to add to my resume.

 

 

Recipes, Ryan Reynolds, and Randomness

The other night (when I should’ve been sleeping, because the baby was sleeping, and that’s what you’re supposed to do!) I got sucked into a vortex of blog stats, and started reading the top google (etc.) searches that people used to find/stumble upon me and my story.

I was happy to see that the majority of people ended up here because of my Almond Flour Pizza Crust (which is delicious!, and gluten free!, and low carb! You should try it.)

I was surprised to see almost everyone else was looking for ways to curl their hair with a headband/sock bun/no heat, which I literally tried once (and failed) THREE years ago.

Other popular searches were for good Gluten Free Fried Rice and Copycat Cosi Tomato Basil Soup recipes, and mine are pretty good, if I do say so myself.

The rest of the searches though? They were a mixed bag of totally random, and WTF.

For example.

My BFFs Full Name — I thought, well, that’s weird. Why would looking for my Bestie bring you here? I don’t think I’ve ever even used her full name. So I did a search to see what happened, and almost every google image result was a picture …of me?! And one of our friend Kelly, holding a giant fish. Ummmm. Ok. Obviously we’ve spent so much time together the Internet has decided we’re the same person.

“Tom Selleck Three Men and a Baby” — Obviously, if this is what you’re searching the Internet for, we should get to know each other better. Handsome men, in short shorts, and that stache! Yes, please. I hope you found what you were looking for.

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“Pigs Humping” — Now, to be fair, Mike and I DO have a set of S&P shakers from Jamaica in the shape of humping pigs (because they’re hilarious, and when you find something like that, you do not hesitate to buy them for everyone you know.) Unfortunately I don’t think that’s what this person was looking for.

“Ice Skating Shoes” — 1) They’re not called that, and 2) You came to the wrrrroooong place if you want advice about ice skating, other than, never, ever, try to ice skate (you’re welcome).

“Hammocks” — A little generic, sure, but I love a hammock as much as the next girl. Unfortunately my claim to fame involves going ass over teacup into the sand in front of all my coworkers.

“Babies with Muscle Men” — Sorry, friend. That’s just weird.

“Hot Date Tonight” — Good for you! I hope you didn’t come here looking for inspiration, unless you and your significant other are really into ordering Chinese food and watching a SVU marathon.

“PMS jokes” — This had to be a man. Women already know that 1) you better not joke about that shit, and 2) all the really good jokes.

“Ryan Reynolds Naked” — We have SO MUCH in common, my friend. And the Internet just keeps letting us down, right? Believe me, if I could help, I would.

And the weirdest, and my personal favorite:

“Boy Crutching with Hard Leg Cast Next to Doctor” — I don’t even know how to respond. But I’m certain they didn’t find what they were looking for.

Mr. Baby: By the Numbers

29 — I’m 29 weeks pregnant today. It seems like yesterday we were on pin and needles, hoping to make it past six weeks, and then 12 weeks, and then into the second trimester, and then waiting to find out if baby was a Mister or a Miss. And now the doctors are all, “Oh, well the pregnancy is viable,” like I should just stop worrying about things and take it easy. Umm, I appreciate your optimism — but let’s let him bake as long as possible, athankyou.

11 — … So that means I have 11 weeks left to go. I met with my Hematologist yesterday, and he recommended that I push my OB and the High Risk docs for an induction. It’s sort of a long, medicinal story, but basically taking blood thinner and having a baby gets sort of complicated towards the end (especially if you want an epidural, which I do, because I’m not a hero). His opinion is: 1) take the meds as long as possible, 2) if you wake up one day after 37 weeks and feel funny, skip the shot, just in case. and 3) ask for an induction date so we can schedule my last dose of blood thinner accordingly. I’ve got no issues with getting induced, as long as all the docs are on board and I’m like 38+ weeks along. So we’ll see what happens…

4 — I’m still giving myself four shots a day. Two in the morning (blood thinner and insulin) and then insulin before dinner, and at bedtime. Insulin needles are adorable, compared to blood thinner needles.

2 — Pregnancy has given me a serious case of the dropsies — and so far I’ve dropped those aforementioned syringes twice, and tried to catch them. Well, I guess I successfully caught them, but I’m not sure if it counts as “catching” when you just end up with a needle sticking in your palm, and once under my fingernail. Damn cat-like reflexes.

4 — In between those four shots, I also get to check my blood sugar four times a day. Once in the morning, and then again after breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s really not that bad — aside from the morning check, which needs to happen around 7-8 hours after my last meal the night before. So, if I eat a snack at 10 and go to bed, I need to test between 5-6am. But I don’t have a “real job” and I get to sleep a lot, so I have to wake up like three hours early and prick my finger, while I’m half-asleep. #Housewifeproblems, I know.

20 — I mean, I have a job — I’m just not there very often. I work two days a week (and that’s assuming I don’t have to spend the day in Georgetown, visiting my Hematologist, despite my best attempts to schedule things on my days off). So, say I’m induced at 39 weeks — that’s only 10 weeks away, which means I only work 20 more days, and then I have a baby, which is crazy.

5 — Sorry pregnant ladies everywhere, but at almost seven months pregnant, I still weigh five pounds LESS than I did when I got pregnant (I’m not really sorry, I’m super excited).

2.5 — Yet, despite my magical negative pregnancy weight gain, Mr. Baby is weighing in at an impressive 2.5 pounds, and the internet assures me he’s the size of a butternut squash. I have another growth scan in a few days (the only plus of dealing with gestational diabetes, is lots and lots of ultrasounds) so we’ll be able to see if he’s still growing on schedule (which he has been so far).

3 — We (and by “we,” I mean “I”) registered at three places. Mike was a big help for our main registry — he followed me around and said things like, “whatever you want, dear,” and “sure that sounds good,” and “when I scan your head with the scanner, nothing comes up.” The other two I did on my own, because Mike could care less what crib sheets we have, or how many muslin swaddles I pick out. I cannot stop checking my registries to see what’s been purchased already (I did the same thing when we got married, don’t judge me!).

1 — Cases of “Sleep Sadness.” What’s that, you ask? Well, I sort of made it up. The other night I was asleep, on my wrong side, and apparently I started snoring right in Mike’s ear. So he very sweetly and quietly woke me up, and asked me to roll over, and I BURST INTO TEARS. I was just so, so sad that I was keeping him awake. He was like, “Gah! Don’t cry, I love you!” and I sleepily yelled (on my way to the bathroom, because helllooooo that’s all I do now), “I’m fine, I just have sleep sadness!” Mike insisted that’s not a thing, but obviously it is.

153 — The number of times I roll my eyes while reading posts on BabyCenter. Super-fertile people complain about everything, and most of them don’t understand anything about baby shower etiquette. It’s also nice to know there’s no correlation between being able to spell, or read and write, and the ability to get pregnant whenever you feel like it. Also, there are going to be a bunch of kids with really, really weird names growing up with Mr. Baby. In short, BabyCenter is the worst (unless you have to take blood thinner — those ladies are cool, and not annoying.)

1 — So, I broke down last week, and cheated on my GD diet, just once. I didn’t feel great, I’d had a terrible night’s sleep, and all I wanted was a bowl of pasta for dinner. Nothing else sounded remotely appetizing, and after doing a little reading — I decided to just indulge the craving. I figure a sporadic increase in blood sugar isn’t going to do any long-term damage to me or Mr. Baby (if it did, OBs wouldn’t order glucose testing, sometimes repeatedly, right?) and since I don’t plan on doing it all day, every day, I just said screw it — bring me the tortellini. Here’s hoping I don’t end up with a 13 pound baby.

3 — Starting in about three weeks, I get to go to the doctor(s) three times a week. Once to my regular OB, and twice for monitoring and non-stress tests with the High Risk team at the hospital. I’ll make the one- to two-hour drive to check in with the Hematologist a few more times too. It’s a lot of appointments, yes — but you won’t hear me complaining. After everything we’ve gone through to get to this point, I’m all for extra attention and monitoring. Thrice-weekly checks to make sure I’m not in early labor, and Mr. Baby is OK? That sounds good to me.

So Long, April.

April is exhausting.

I’ve never been so excited to see May.

Where the hell have I been? Ah, allow me me fill you in…

Somehow we managed (and by we, I mean sometimes me and Mike, but mostly just me) to celebrate five birthdays, anniversaries, wedding showers, baby showers, a few brunches with old friends, and hell — we even threw in a few memorial services to cover all our bases.

Every Saturday and Sunday on my calendar was booked. Some with multiple stops.

This is when Mike would lovingly point out that I only work a few days a week, so I still had some time off. But those days are full of grocery shopping, and laundry, and theoretical house cleaning. I didn’t do much cleaning. But I should have, and could have — but naps are just as important. At least they are to me.

Throw in a few doctors appointments (apparently I grind my teeth now? so that ear infection I thought I had was a false alarm. Oh! And I might have diabetes, which is tbd. FUN, right?!)

And I couldn’t try out any new recipes either, because I didn’t have a working oven until a few weeks ago. Like, as in starting in February, when a few kitchen outlets inexplicably just stopped working. Ah, the glory of home-ownership!

Throw in a bunch of rush invitations, prints, and stuff for friends and Etsy customers too.

And to add insult to injury, Scandal was all repeats for THREE WEEKS! You’re killing me TV!! Thankfully I have a weird fascination with Hannibal Lecter, so I got (creepily) by.

My calendar for May is blissfully empty, with the exception of a weekend at the beach with my boo, and some fancy tea with some even fancier ladies.

And now I really need to clean this place up, because I’ve been avoiding it since, ummm… March.

Liebster Blog Award!

Georgette at Can’t Control Everything After All recently nominated me for a Liebster Blog Award, which is, “an award is granted to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers who deserve some recognition and support to keep on blogging.” This is my first time being nominated for the Liebster Award, I think. Last year my old friend Sarah at Anything but Academia nominated me for a similar award, but then — despite my best intentions — I sort of forgot about it.

I blame estrogen injections, which make you crazy, and forgetful.

Anyway — this time I’m going to follow through. And if I can find the old questions from Sarah, what the hell, I’ll do them a year too late.

The instructions are:

1) to answers the 11 questions written by your nominator. 2) to nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers. 3) to write 11 of your own questions for each nominee to answer.

Here are my questions from Georgette:

1.  Tell us the craziest or funniest thing that happened on your wedding day. Well, see, we accidentally got married in the middle of a blizzard. I mean, the wedding wasn’t an accident, but the blizzard sort of snuck up on us. Well, on me. I was so worried about having to get in and out of the limo from the house to the wedding ceremony in the rain, I only checked the weather report up until our wedding day. Once I thought we were in the clear, I just stopped looking at it. So, when I showed up at our wedding rehearsal and the wedding planner said, “Oh my god, aren’t you glad you’re not getting married a day later?!” I had no idea what she was talking about. So, the snow started falling mid-way through our reception, and by the time we left, there were already several inches of snow on the ground. A lot of drunk people fell while they were leaving, which was hilarious. But then Mike’s grandma fell, and it wasn’t as funny anymore. By the time we left our hotel the morning after, there was almost two feet of snow on the ground, and a lot of out of town guests were stuck in Baltimore. We also had a party planned at my mom’s that had to be canceled, and we ended up with like 30 pounds of wedding cake at our house (which I was totally fine with). This was what my legs looked like by the time I got back in our front door:

2.  What do you do for a living? Not much, I assure you! I run my Etsy shop, Addigail Designs, from home, and some weeks are busy, and some I don’t hear a peep from customers. It’s not like those shops you read about where people had a regular 9-5 job, but their stuff was so popular they decided to focus on it 100%. If I’m lucky, I usually sell enough to cover my iTunes purchases. Then, a little more than a month ago, I started working part-time with my mother-in-law at a surgical center, helping a few afternoons with scheduling surgeries, making charts, answering phones — that sort of thing. I know what you’re thinking: 1) are you qualified for that sort of thing, and 2) wait, with your mother-in-law??  Well, 1) no not really, but I’ve already mastered spelling a variety of surgical things that I had never heard of and I know how to answer a phone, so I’m getting there, and 2) she’s really nice. Not like one of those horrible mother-in-laws you always see on TV.

3.  Best method of losing weight when you need to drop 10 lbs?  My recent experience has been to cut out gluten, which basically eliminates all breads, cookies, cakes, and deliciousness from your diet. Which makes sense, because back in the day, my standard answer to this question would have just been “carbs” in general. I really can’t hype the gluten-free lifestyle enough though. For example, after miscarriage #2, I basically ate my feelings in whatever horrible carb-laden form you could think of. It was delicious, and improved my mood for about five minutes, but that was about it. I felt like total crap the rest of the time. I recently pulled myself together and got back on track (for like the 70th time in my adult life) and after three days, my body doesn’t ache, my cold is getting better, I have more energy, and I’m sure I’m losing some weight.

4.  Why did you decide to start blogging about infertility? I didn’t originally. I had been thinking about it for awhile, and decided to just give it a go, without any real direction. We were doing stuff around the house, which I wanted to document. And there were so many stories I wanted to use to embarrass my mother on the internet, so that was good. Our fertility treatments didn’t start until a few months later, and then I really found the blog to be a helpful way to keep a lot of people who were interested in our progress up to date, without having to explain everything over and over and over again. You can only explain about follicle sizes, and estrogen levels, and monitoring appointments so many times, and then your head will just explode off your body. It’s a medical fact.

5.  Have any other blogs you write? Remember all those stories I tell, to embarrass my mother? Well, those are just the ones I’m willing to let her and my grandmother read about. There are so many more debaucherous tales, that I have considered writing them somewhere else under a pseudonym. But then I think that seems like a lot of work, and anyone who lived with me in college will figure it out pretty quickly, and there goes that anonymity!, so why bother.

6.  You’re going out for a casual date night with another couple– describe your outfit, head to toe.  Nipple tassels, and some well-placed bells. And maybe a pashmina, in case the restaurant is a little chilly.

7.  Favorite online shopping websites? Being unemployed for so long really helped subdue my online shopping. But if we’re talking about clothes, I usually stick with Old Navy, because it’s cheap, and every so often I find the best jeans there. I’m also a sucker for everything Paper Source has ever made. And despite my love of bookstores (Man, I miss Borders!) everything else comes from Amazon.

8.  At home, how do you divide up chores? Theoretically, the inside chores are mine, and the outside chores are Mike’s. Realistically, there are piles of dogs hair I need to vacuum like, yesterday, and Mike despises cutting the grass. Most people always tell us how clean our house is (I can hear my mother laughing hysterically…) but that’s because when we have people over, I clean like a mad woman. If you just stopped by for a surprise visit, you’d be less impressed.

9.  Coffee or tea? milk, sugar, lemon?  Both, with milk and sugar (or, really, Splenda — which I feel like is sort of poison? So I don’t know if I should still use it. But sugar will only make me fatter. But then, I don’t know a lot of skinny people who exclusively use Splenda either. I guess I should just learn to drink coffee and tea without it…)

10.  When you need retail therapy, what do you buy typically?  When I had a 9-5 job? Shoes. Man, I love shoes. I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes in over a year. I rode out my unemployment in Uggs and flip flops. I’m also a sucker for the $5 DVD bin. I love movies. I have more movies than we will ever watch. But for now all of our extra cash is funneled into the baby-making process.

11.  You’re late and basically throwing on clothes as you run out the door– name three makeup essentials that get you from barefaced to presentable, all applied at stoplights of course.  Mineral powder, tinted Burt’s Bees, and some eyebrow pencil. Not, like Mommy Dearest, or anything — just enough to fill things in and class up the joint.

As for my 11 nominees, and my questions — I’ll have to give that some thought.

Thank you, Georgette, for the nomination!

Let Me Upgrade You

We’ve been toying with the idea of upgrading to a newer, fancier printer. The one I’ve been using for all my Etsy orders is nice, works well, and was expensive when Mike bought it — but it’s also 11 years old, a little temperamental, and uses a single large ink cartridge. The newer version we’ve been eyeing has individual CMYK cartridges, which will save me a ton of ink (and the environment!) in the long run.

Another bonus? Having Beyonce stuck in your head for four days.


We decided once we ran out of the old printer’s ink, we’d make the switch. That nicely coincided with an $80 rebate, a random printer error, and my busiest Etsy week in awhile.

So I ordered the new printer a few days ago, and Mike installed it for me last night — just in time to get five orders out the door this morning in time for Mother’s Day.

I’m in love.

It’s so big! It’s so quiet! It’s so fast! It’s everything you could ask for in a man printer.

And in case you’re in the mood for some pictures of adorable baby animals? Look what I saw at the post office this morning!

Hunger Names

One major advantage to joblessness is I can go to the movies in the middle of the day.

Granted, I have never done that — but I could if I wanted to.

And since I’m wet-my-pants excited about the upcoming Hunger Games movie, I’m gonna do just that.

In the meantime though, you can entertain yourself for hours at Hunger Names, which will give you your new name, district and eventual cause of death. These were some of my personal favorites…

May the odds be ever in your favor!