A Teeny Tiny Update with Little to No Information.

I’m still here.

Still (miraculously, amazingly, unexpectedly) (18 weeks!) pregnant.

We’ve told our families (shock!) and our friends (awe!) and all my new various doctors (confusion!) and I’ve technically told the internet full of strangers (hello!) but we haven’t made anything Facebook official.

Why?

Eh, I don’t know. Probably because every time I tell one new person my first thought is, “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” and every time I purchase a new baby outfit (twice) I immediately think, “YOU MONSTER, YOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING.”

So, I guess you could say I’m dealing with a little bit of anxiety.

Despite having four or five ultrasounds now, and doctors repeatedly finding the heartbeat on the doppler, and maybe feeling something kick me sometimes, I’m still finding it a little bit difficult to believe this is happening. That it’s happened at all. That it will continue to happen.

Someone asked me a few weeks ago when I felt confident in my pregnancy with Gus, and I told them, completely honestly, when I was walking into Labor & Delivery and my contractions we’re two minutes apart.

And yet, I am surprisingly less anxious than I was back then. Maybe it’s the fact that now I no longer feel the pressure of being barren forever. Maybe my cold agnostic heart has been touched by a freaking angel, and I can’t help but feel like this is something that is supposed to happen.

Time will tell, I guess.

So far, so good.

 

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12 thoughts on “A Teeny Tiny Update with Little to No Information.

  1. Yay!! I’ve been so freaking anxious for an update from you!! So glad all is well with you and baby. 🙂 I do think this baby is meant to be – cheesy as that may sound. It just seems… right. Anyway. I’m so happy for you and excited to see more updates. 😉 (pleassssseee!)

  2. 18 weeks is great! It’s totally acceptable to facebook announce as the baby is crowning. People asked me the same question about my Gus and my answer is normally something like, “When my midwife told me to start pushing”. I think that when people spend time in the TTC world it kills any hope that they have that things will be okay.

    • I have a cute-ish idea for pictures with Gus once we know the gender, so I’ll probably go FB official once I have those. Also we haven’t told him yet, because 1) I feel weird telling him, haha, and 2) I want to eliminate any chance of him deciding it’s a girl, only for it to be a boy (or vice versa).

  3. Yay! I only started to feel more positive (not “safe” but cautiously optimistic!) around the halfway mark. And it increased from there. I kept telling myself the stats… It is statistically really good for you right now! So wonderful! X

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