Life After Fertility Treatment

One of the things I struggled with during my pregnancy — besides all the normal weird pregnancy things — was how, and when, to talk about it.

After years of fertility treatments and repeat pregnancy loss, there was nothing more frustrating and saddening than the constant stream of pregnancy announcements on Facebook.

Sure, some people I was genuinely happy for — I knew some of them had struggled to get, or stay, pregnant.

But most of them? Like 99.9% of them?

Yeah, they could suck it.

I dealt with it by removing almost all of those people from my newsfeed. The majority of them were people I haven’t seen since high school, so after a while I didn’t even remember them. Hell, I don’t even know what those kids look like (some of them are probably three by now) and I don’t really care.

So when it was my turn? Hell yes, I wanted my moment in the sun. Who doesn’t like, well, all those Likes?

After all the needles, ultrasounds, debt, heartbreak, and waiting for our turn, I was ready to shout the good news from the rooftops.

But I knew I wasn’t alone. After I started blogging, I got emails from friends from high school, old college roommates, and friends of friends who were going through the same thing.

Now I have my baby, and most of them still don’t have theirs.

So now I’m the one blowing up Facebook with pictures of a smiling baby, videos of him babbling and rolling over, and hilarious quotes from my husband about the realities of parenting.

And every. single. time. I post something, they are the people I think about first.

Not the grandparents or long-distance relatives. Not our friends who adore this baby almost as much as we do.

I think of all the people who might see his picture, and burst into tears.

I can only hope they’ve taken the time to block me, like I did way back when. Do it! Hide that nonsense! I know it’s nothing personal.

I hope they get their chance to spread some good news of their own soon.

And I hope they know that I think of them often.


6 thoughts on “Life After Fertility Treatment

  1. I’m the same way. I’ve shard nothing on my Facebook about my pregnancy (besides our announcement) because I’m afraid of hurting someone. We will probably post when we find out the sex because it’s so much easier to make one announcement then have to email or text 50 people.

    Once baby comes along, however, I’m debating with myself about what to do. I know that our parents and relatives will enjoy seeing pictures, but again, I’m afraid of hurting someone. I go back and forth between thinking that the people I could possibly hurt are adults, and if things get too rough, they should know when to unfriend or hide me, but on the other hand, I know how hard it is to log into Facebook and be bombarded with something you weren’t expecting. Then there are the friends who are going through infertility but still want to be part of our child’s life and a friend to us. It’s a really hard path to walk, and one that I’m afraid there isn’t a right answer to.

    When baby comes, I may write a status update that says something along the lines of “we’re going to use Facebook as a way to keep our families updated on (baby’s name), so if you don’t want updates or are in a bad place, feel free to hide/unfriend. We understand.”

  2. Personally, having friends who have struggled with infertility that then had babies gives me hope. When my cousin got pregnant, I was so angry and upset. Then I found out how she had been struggling with the same problems as me and suddenly her pregnant really meant something to me.

  3. I don’t have a baby yet, but I know when I do, I’m going to want to shout it from the rooftops too. Knowing that maybe, just maybe I’ll be on the other side too someday gives me hope. I think the only people I didn’t block on FB were the ones that I new had a similar struggle. Somedays it’s hard, but other days it’s so, so inspiring and gives me hope.

  4. I have been on both sides, because I had children with no miscarriage first… Then I had a string of painful m/c ( including several barely in the 2nd trimester) and did not know if I’d ever have another baby again. My rainbow was a Lovenox baby whom I will NEVER take for granted…

    This is what I struggle with: I’ve love to share my story and my success with those whom I am fairly certain are struggling to get pregnant. I want to help SO bad.. but when I don’t know someone or their circumstances well, I feel like I am prying.. So I don’t say anything… but it drives me crazy because I want to know that they have all the help that they need.

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