What’s That Smell?

I read a lot of Baby/Fertility blogs, and I hate it when someone is all “Hey, I’m pregnant!” and then they just disappear from the blogosphere. I want to know what’s happening! Come back and tell me about all your weird food cravings so I feel normal!

But then I know there are people out there still trying to get pregnant, and, having been that person — as happy as they are for us, well — they hate us a little bit. Probably more than a little.

So I’ll try to keep the baby talk coming, for people who want to know what’s going on — but I promise I’m capable of talking about totally non-baby things.

For example…

About two weeks ago, Mike came home and told me that the house smells. (Best housewife ever, over here!)

When you don’t work full time, and your day consists of finishing the last season of Weeds in your PJs, and you might not leave the house for a few days in a row — weird smells go unnoticed. Could I be more productive? Sure! But I’m hot and pregnant, and October still seems really far away. (Cue my mother’s eye rolling and most disapproving look.)

So we tried (in vain) to locate the horrible smell. It smelled like old laundry someone forgot about. Like, they forgot about it for three months. So I devised a plan to clean the whole house top-to-bottom over the weekend until the smell was remedied.

Turns out our ancient washing machine (which for the last eight months has decided to play it fast and loose with actually working when I need it to) had sprung a leak, and water was pooling underneath it. I asked Mike if we should call the home warranty people, and he (very colorfully) informed me that the washing machine can suck it, and we’re just going to buy a new one. This was the best. news. ever.

So, we picked out a brand new, shiny, fancy washer, and had it delivered yesterday.

Easy, right?

No. Not in this house.

See, our house is weird. I try not to complain about it, because 1) we’re lucky enough to own a house in the first place, and 2) it’s a lot bigger than our last house. But whoever built this house?

THEY WERE DRUNK.

Studs are never where they should be. Appliances were jerry-rigged into place, or are connected with metric parts that repairmen cannot obtain. The floor in our foyer is two different heights (apparently for no reason).

Every time we’ve updated an appliance (we’ve tried to do one a year since we moved in, to spread out the cost) there’s been some weird issue that makes what should be an effortless task an enormous pain in the ass.

But we thought, the washer should be easy. The dimensions are the same. And they were. But the hot/cold water connections are on the opposite side, so standard hoses don’t reach. Well, they do, and they did — but our laundry room is tucked into a closet. So the washer is hooked up alright — It’s just in the middle of the room, and the doors can’t shut. Color me surprised!

But at least the house doesn’t smell anymore. I don’t think.

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