Adventures in Dog Grooming

We have two dogs.

You’ve all met, yes?

So, there’s a big one, and a little one. Generally speaking, they are lovely animals. They’re sweet, they occasionally follow commands, and people seem to like them. At least — Dog People do.

But, from time-to-time, I want to … strangle them.

Today was one of those days.

See, they needed their nails cut. They were long overdue. I guess most people do it themselves at home? We’ve tried that, with mixed results. And by “mixed results,” I mean Daisy (the big one) was fine, and Jake (the little one) was a nightmare.

So, I pay professionals to do that now.

I recently discovered a dog groomer right around the corner from our neighborhood — so I thought I’d check them out today. Turns out “dog groomer” is code for “crazy lady who washes dogs in a filthy office, and only takes cash,” so I literally walked in, and walked right back out.

Which was how we ended up at Petco.

My plan was simple — drop off the dogs, walk around the corner and pick up some lunch to go, pick up the dogs and then head home.

That is not what happened. Also, we can never go back there again.

After signing them in, the (poor, poor) groomer took them behind the main desk. There were four areas — a sort of lobby, the desk area, the grooming area, and a storage/kennel area.

He decided to start with Jake — who promptly panicked and wriggled out of his harness and collar — and took off. This happened twice. So the guy finally gets him on the table, and hooked him into the little harness that holds them in a standing position. Only he never adjusted it from the last dog who was taller, so Jake’s whole front end was just sort of hanging in the air.

When the guy attempted to fix it, Jake tried to flee, which resulted in him falling off the table, and hanging from his neck. This also happened twice. Also, Jake was peeing everywhere.

Meanwhile, Daisy was left to her own devices in the desk area — where she found a box of toys, emptied them all onto the floor, and started stripping the fuzz off of all their tennis balls. That is, until a lady came in with an old english sheepdog — and Daisy tried to leap over the desk so she could play with him. When that proved impossible — she started screaming. (I don’t really know how else to describe it — but for the uninitiated, pitbulls scream.)

So they decided to put her back in the kennel area… only they didn’t kennel her. They just shut her in there, where she proceeded to taunt every dog waiting in a crate.

It was about then that Jake’s nail clipping commenced — and at this point, I think the dog was so traumatized he didn’t even realize what was happening. Until the groomer made his way to his front paws, when Jake must have decided that if wiggling, hanging, and peeing wasn’t enough of a deterrent, he’d just poop.

And so he did.

Yes, getting his nails clipped, literally scared the shit out of him.

Like I said, we can never go back there again.


6 thoughts on “Adventures in Dog Grooming

  1. I feel your pain. Our dog used to spray everyone with the anal gland. That is the most disgusting smell ever requiring all staff to change clothes. She also was held down once and proceeded to ass and shit while laying down. And I had 2 kids with me. Awesome. If it helps, we found that if they lift her feet like a horse she is completely fine.

  2. I have a 9 pound Yorkie who has been booted from three groomers. Only not just asked to not come back but a phone call requesting me to remove her from their facility. I feel your pain!! ;-

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