Bacon Cheddar Ranch Pull-Apart Bread

Or as I like to call it, Heart Attack on a Plate.

I think. I’ve never actually made it before, but it sounds delicious.***

See, every year (and by every year, I mean we did it once before and now we’re doing it again) my friends host a This Is Why You’re Fat Party.

Inspired by the blog of the same name, the whole point of our TIWYF party is to bring the most unhealthy dish you can think of. Then we all sit around marveling at the fat and calories piled up around us, and generally eat until we can’t eat any more.

It is the most unhealthy day of the year. Sometimes I worry someone might actually have a heart attack. But so far, so good.

That party? Is tonight, btw.

So, after searching Pinterest for ideas (you can see all of them here) I settled on Bacon Cheddar Ranch Pull-Apart Bread.

Why?

Uh, because it sounds amazing.

Also it only had like five ingredients, and I’m lazy.

So, it goes like this:

Line a cookie sheet with some foil — enough to wrap around your loaf of bread once you’re finished assembling everything.

Cut the loaf of bread into 1/2 to one inch slices without cutting all the way through, and then do the same thing in the opposite direction.

Once I had all my cuts, I picked up the whole loaf and sort of spread all the sections apart to loosen everything up. (that’s what she said)

I should specify that I never really paid attnedtion to the recipe. Sure, I read it, but I didn’t print it out, or remember it really, so I just sort of made up the next few steps.

I started with the bacon — I got two of those pre-cooked bacon packs because I wasn’t sure how much I needed — I told you, no recipe.

I ended up with 30 pieces of bacon, which sounds like a lot — but that’s the point.  I cut all the bacon into smaller pieces and then crammed them into all the cracks. (hahaha)

Also, if you want to torture your dogs — just cut 30 peices of bacon into smaller pieces while they stand at your feet, and then don’t give them any.

Once all the bacon was spread around, I did the same thing with the shredded cheddar cheese.

Then just take a stick of butter (I know! I told you, it’s terrible for you!) and melt it in the microwave, stir in one packet of ranch dressing, and drizzle all of it over the top of the bread, bacon and cheese.

Then just wrap everything in that foil you started with, and stick it in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes — then unwrap and leave it in until the cheese is melted, probably another 10 minutes. (Around this time, I actually consulted the directions…)

In the end you’ll be left with a bread-bacon-cheese-butter ball:

My heart hurts just looking at it.

You’re welcome, and I’m sorry. (I’m not sorry.)

*** UPDATE!!  I’ve obviously made it (and eaten it — delicious, btw) and there are a few changes I would suggest making if you want to make your own…  I would reverse the steps listed above.  So, first cut the bread, obviously, but then add the butter, then the cheese, and then the bacon.  I think it would be easier to pull apart that way!  Enjoy!! ***

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