Husbang & I are headed to the beach for our (my, really) annual family vacation.
I’m really looking forward to it this year — mainly because the last few years haven’t been as relaxing as they could have been. Last year, for example, Mike dislocated his shoulder in the ocean on the first day we were there. In a gallant attempt to save my tiny little cousin from a crushing wave, he lifted her up in the air, and the stupid ocean thanked him by ripping his arm out of his body.
“If anyone asks what happened, tell them I was saving a boat full of children from a shark attack,” he told me.
So, we spent several hours in the ER, and then several more trying to find an open pharmacy. And then he was miserable, and had to have surgery.
The year before that, I didn’t get a vacation, because I had just started a new job, and I was saving up all my time off for our wedding.
The year before that was actually pretty awesome — but Mike was only around for the weekend because we had just started dating, and a week with my entire family can be a little overwhelming if you don’t know what you’re getting yourself in to. Also, one of my relatives laughed so hard during a board game that she farted in front of Mike. For whatever reason, this happens a lot to him.
Speaking of board games — we take that shit seriously, people.
I’ve seen grown women topple backwards out of chairs, and tackle each other to the floor over a card game. There is a LOT of trashtalking. Usually from me. It’s assumed at least one person will stomp away from the table and declare, “I don’t want to play with you anymore!” It is also assumed that person will be me.
Some of you have been there to witness the cutthroat games of Taboo and Pictionary. We had to stop playing Spoons, because of repeated injuries and near-beatings. Now we just use the silverware to gamble, while my stepbrother teaches the children how to play poker and blackjack.
Also, we eat a lot. Although, I hear Tubby’s is closed for the summer, so I guess we won’t eat as much.
So, keep your fingers crossed that this year no one has to go to the hospital, and the worst thing that happens is I embarrass my husband with my unsportsmanlike conduct.
See you in a week!!