I went in for my second-to-last (pre-fertility treatment) test yesterday morning.  I thought it was just a blood test, but turns out it included an ultrasound as well.

First of all, the actual taking of the blood?  Perfection.  This is why I love nurses so much.  LabCorp can suck it.

The ultrasound was over in a jiffy too — I think it took me longer to get undressed.  Also, apparently I’ve got quite the babymaker.

“You’ve got a beautiful uterus,” the tech told me.
“Oh, thank you.  I made it myself,” I said. Because I did.

She also checked both of my ovaries while she was poking around — and told me that each had at least 15 viable eggs, ready to go.

Mike’s only response to that news?

“Thirty Babies!”

We’d be like the Duggars.  You know, if the Duggars went to public school, didn’t make their own clothes, and had mouths like sailors.  And never, ever went to church.

Actually, that sounds awesome.  I’d watch that show.

Or, we could be like the Von Trapp family.  Only instead of singing, we’d be competitive eaters.


I have one more test to get through, a week from today — and then we’ll meet with our doctor to decide which course of treatment is best for us.  And hopefully results in two or less babies… preferably less.

But say there were 30…  We’d need a lot of names, right?   Sure, you could go the Duggar-route and give everyone names that start with the same letter.  But that’s been done before.  I think we’d opt for an A-Z approach.  Like, these, maybe.*

A – Aloysius or Apollonia
B – Balthasar or Betelgeuse
C – Capricorn or Cinnamon
D – Duane or Dagmar
E – Exodus or Earleen
F – Ferdinand or Flanders
G – Galaxy or Gertrude
H – Hamish or Hester
I – Ichabod or Imelda
J – Jaguar or Jam
K – Kal-el or Kesha ($ optional)
L – Lafayette or Lucretia
M – Madog or Mimosa
N – Napoleon or Narcissa
O – Octavio or Octavia
P – Pancho or Peaches
Q – Quirtsquip or Queenie
R – Randolph or Romy
S – Sigerson or Starbuck
T – Thor or Tallulah
U – Usher or Ursula
V – Vlad or Vondra
W – Wolfgang or Whitley
X – Xakery or Xanadu
Y – Yule or Yardley
Z – Zebadiah or Zenith

But there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, you say?  Eh.  The last four, we’ll just number…

With the exception of Sigerson — which is so awesome, the internet says it’s not really a name — you can see the meanings of all those names here.

*We actually already have our future baby names picked out.  And I’m one of those neurotic people who doesn’t want anyone to steal them, so none of these are real.  And really, I just picked them because I thought they were funny.  Also, sorry if I inadvertently made fun of your name. Or your grandmother’s name.  My bad, Quirtsquip!


7 thoughts on “B-E-A-Uterus

  1. So glad I stumbled across your blog. Your posts are seriously hilar! My hubby and I are just starting the fertility bull sh*t as well. I’m sure if we did crack, slept around with random dudes and lived in a gutter, we would for sure get pregnant…(I’m a little bitter, if you hadn’t noticed). Good luck-sending baby dust your way:)


  2. Oh, don’t worry…if you hadn’t been on birth control, you’d probably have babies before you knew what you were doing. AT least, that’s what happened two a few ladies I know. Having babies 13 months apart? Twice? No thanks.

    Also, I love your “praise” page and snorted out loud when I read it.

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