Original Post Date: Mar 26, 2008
(2008 status — single, and dating like three random people — one who never, ever tried to touch me. one who didn’t own a car. and one who I dated in high school. what? I rarely learn from my mistakes the first time. Also, a warning — it’s kind of long. That’s what she said.)
What side of the heart do you draw first?
The left side – then I double back for the right. I had to do it. I don’t just know that about myself.
Can you dive without plugging your nose?
Of course I can. I’m not 5. Sucka!
(really though, I’m a frequent nose-plugger in the pool. Just not while diving.)
What color is your razor?
Orange. And, I’m not going to lie, it’s a little soap-scummy.
(Yes, and yes, still.)
What is your blood-type?
I think I’m A negative. I don’t remember. Blood talk makes we a little woozy. A woozy floozy. Ha!
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
I can pick anyone? Ryan Reynolds. Or Jack Black. Or Haven Simmons.
(Ryan Reynolds, for obvious reasons. Jack Black, because I think he’s so funny, he’s cute. Haven Simmons, because he’s a journalistic, mentoring badass.)
Where would you go to live for the rest of your life if you could?
Wherever is it always 75 degrees, and not humid. And the male:female ratio is 2:1.
How do you feel about carrots?
The last time I had to peel carrots, I hit my mom in the face with one. We thought it was hilarious. Also, my grandmother’s roasted carrots are the most delicious things in the world.
(They really, really are.)
How many chairs at the dining room table?
I don’t own a dining room table. Technically, my bed is in the dining room. And there aren’t any chairs around my bed. Unless I’m hosting swinger’s night, in which case that’s a completely different story.
(When I met Mike, I had a house full of furniture, with the exception of a dining room set, because, you know, I slept in my dining room. He had pretty much nothing except a dining room set, and a big ass TV. It was a match made in furniture heaven. Also, we have six chairs in our dining room, in case you were wondering.)
Which Spice Girl is the best?
Sporty. That girl can sing. And, she kicks a lot, which I’m partial to.
(In addition to peeing spitefully, I also kick things when I’m angry. And folks — let me just say, today is a kicking kind of day… more about that later, I guess.)
What’s your favorite color?
Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen! For the 9,753 time, myspace!
What’s your least favorite animal?
(Yeah. They’re gross.)
What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with your bf/gf?
Which boyfriend? My gay boyfriend? We’d make fun of people and invent new identities. My work boyfriend? We’d probably complain each other to death. My gym boyfriend? I’d make him pry the doors open with his super muscles, and then I’d thank him by having his babies.
(Now that I’m married — I still have my gay boyfriend, and I feel like the same thing would happen. Matty & I love alter-egos. And also laughing at ourselves.)
What’s your favorite kind of gum?
Do you scrapbook?
No. I sleep around instead.
(Not really. But I definitely don’t scrapbook.)
Do you use words that you don’t know the meaning to?
I routinely make up works, phrases, and their definitions. Like doodlebop.
Do you like to sleep?
I love to sleep – with your dad.
Do you know which United States states don’t use Daylight savings?
No, not all of them. I don’t understand how they function though.
(I’m still really confused about that.)
Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
Do. I. Ever.
Do you want a bright yellow ’08 Mustang?
I make a serious effort to only buy foreign cars. Usually just to piss off the types of people who only buy American cars.
What’s something you’ve always wanted?
A Harry Potter/Ron Weasley Sandwich.
Do you have hairy legs?
They’re a little questionable at the moment, but I’ll remedy that in the morning.
(Now it’s safe to assume the answer is always yes. My poor husband. Thankfully, I’m a little more on top of things in the summer, so we’re OK at the moment.)
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Despite my fear of sharks, oceans freak me out a lot less than lakes. Lakes give me the creeps, and make me think of giant snakes – like in Anaconda. I can’t handle it.
(You know those shots in Anaconda when the camera was right at the water level. Like the snake’s point of view? Whenever I’m in a river/lake/quarry, etc. and I have a similar vantage point, I’m totally convinced something is going to grab me and drag me under any second. It’s terrifying.
Do you wear a lot of black?
I wear a lot of black to work. Because I’m a prostitute.
Describe your hair?
It’s long, bronde, and layered.
(It’s longish, brown, and still layered. Aside from changing the color, I’ve had the same haircut since 1998.)
Who is/are your best friend(s)?
Kristina & Matt.
Do you have a tan?
Any day now!
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
I LOVE spending time with my mother. She’s hilarious.
(She really, is. But, I’m funnier. The fact that she steals my jokes all the time is proof.)
Are you a sugar freak?
Sugar is the devil. But Sugar-free makes you poop in your pants. It’s a lose-lose.
Do you like orange juice?
I haven’t had juice in years. Seriously.
(I had OJ yesterday for the first time in months, and it was ahhmazing.)
What sign are you?
Capricorn. Or Contents Under Pressure. Seriously, when I was 14 my aunt gave me a shirt with Tweety Bird on it, and that’s what it said. I was 14!
(That shirt was the worst thing I ever saw.)
Can you count to ten in more than one language?
Yes, English, Spanish, Gibberish, and Sign Language.
(Gibberish is the best, and I hardly ever get to use it anymore.)
Have you kissed anyone in the past week?
Maybe. Maybe not. Ok, yes. Get off my back, survey!
(I kiss my husbang on the regular!)
What are your plans for this weekend?
PAZURPALOOZA!!!! My liver hurts just thinking about it, and I feel like I should go get the morning after pill or something, just in case…
(This party was a lot of fun. 1) It was a mini college reunion…
When was the last time you ate spaghetti?
It’s been a while. Carbs, and all…
Are you an adult?
Are you a television addict?
Yes. It’s terrible. But I love it. And, ironically, I’m addicted to Intervention!!
(Confession… In an effort to save money, we don’t have cable anymore. So my television watching is not what it once was, and I miss it. every. day. Thank god for Netflix & Hulu though, for real.)
What is your favorite movie?
It’s impossible for me to name one, so I’ll give you five: American Beauty, Sliding Doors, Tommy Boy, Dirty Dancing, and Goodfellas.
Who is the last person you held hands with?
Someone I’m related to – probably during an Easter Egg hunt…
If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
Yes, because I’d be in Mexico, drinking tequila and selling something on the roadside. Like, you know, my body. That’s got to be better than war.
Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
I drink everything right out of the carton.
(I do. What? I paid for it.)
Have you ever won a spelling bee?
I’m a horrible speller. Yet work as an editor. Go figure!
(Thank god for spellcheck.)
Are you afraid of the dark?
I’m afraid of dark rooms full of bees or spiders. Or ice. So, a dark ice rink, filled with bugs is my worst nightmare.
Last time you chose a bath over a shower?
Whenever the tub is deep enough, and the hot water is endless. This is why I love nice hotels so much.
Do you knock on wood?
I symbolically knock on wood. Rarely is it ever actually wood I’m knocking on.
(I decided not to answer this one sexually. Now I’m kind of regretting it.)
Do you think you’re attractive?
Yes. I also acknowledge that I’m extremely cocky.
What do you want for Christmas?
A new camera lens.
Do you know the muffin man?
The muffin man? The muffin man. No.
Do you talk in your sleep?
I do lots of things in my sleep.
(I talk in my sleep a lot. And Mike is a light sleeper, so he usually hears everything I say. He’s taken to writing it down when it happens. Some gems include, “Rainbow sack double blueberry.” or, “Stop throwing bugs at me!”)
Have you ever flown a kite?
Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Probably. But just in case, everyone come over the next time it rains. I’ll kiss everybody.
Do you consider yourself successful?
I consider myself employed, at a job I don’t hate. So that’s got to count for something…
(… this no longer applies. But I guess my Etsy shop is fairly successful, so at least that’s something.)
How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone?
Eighty something. I did a little drunken, vindictive contact cleaning last weekend, so I cut some worthless mo-fo’s out for good.
(Go on, girl!)
Have you ever asked for a horse?
This reminds me of Seinfeld. “I had a pony!”
What is your last name and why?
Daniels. Because Danielscovich was too long and Lithuanian, apparently.
When’s the last time you told someone you loved them?
Tonight when I called some mo-fos.
How are you feeling today?
I’m feeling good. I’m glad this week is almost over, and I can see my 508 bitches.
(So, in addition to hat-stealing, tub-falling, and drunk hair — another random after effect from that party was my leg? it just stopped working. Like, for a few days it was really tingly, and then one day, I couldn’t move my foot. I think they called it drop foot. I was convinced it was because I’d been drunk, and traipsing all over Baltimore in ridiculous [but super hot] boots. Turns out it was from crossing my legs too much?! Some nerve ended up getting super pinched. Apparently it’s something that happens to old people, haha. So, now I can’t cross my legs. Fun fact.)
Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school??
I got a lot of detentions for being late to class. And I almost got suspended my senior year for something I allegedly did. They just didn’t have any proof. Oh, and by suspended, I mean arrested.
(I think I know what this is in reference to. I feel like it’s a bad thing I can’t narrow it down, though.)
What are you looking forward to?
Saturday night. And a gloriously open schedule next week… I’m in too much demand! I can’t handle all the attention!
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. It is always awkward.
(It really is. So is climbing a fence. Like, I can do it. But I do not look good in the process.)
Have you ever eaten dog food?
Some of it really isn’t so bad. I mean. No. Never.
Can you handle the truth?
That depends on what kind of truth we’re talking about.
Do you like green eggs and ham?
I do like green eggs and ham.
What are 3 things you always bring with you to places?
My cell phone, my camera, Burt’s beeswax.
(My phone has essentially replaced my camera, which is sad, because I love my camera.)
Do you like or have a crush on anyone?
I’m the queen of crushes – and most of them are unrequited. It’s horrible.
(I now only have eyes for husbang.)
How often do you talk on the phone?
Daily. I’m a talker.
Do you believe in love?
I do. But I also believe in ghosts and vampires. So, you know.
Four things about the preferred sex that you first notice?
Legs, height, smile, tattoos.
(Mike is aces in all four, in case you were wondering.)
What do you want?
A puppy. And a butler.