My bff Kristina recently dug up some old Myspace surveys — you remember Myspace? No? That’s ok. Neither does the rest of the world. Except for maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate baby-momma. I was totally creepin’ on her pictures last week…
Anyway — most of the surveys are from 2008 (which for me was mostly pre-husbang) and when I started rereading them, I: 1) couldn’t stop laughing, because I think I’m hilarious, 2) was surprised how much some things have changed (and how some have stayed the same), and 3) decided I should share them with you now, because they’ve already reminded me of other hilarious stories I should be posting.
So, welcome to Survey Thursday! I’ll try to post one each week (with some minor edits… I don’t want my mom or grandma to disown me, and I’m not sure what the statute of limitations are on some misdemeanors), until I run out. Future Ashley will add a wee bit of commentary, where appropriate…
Original Post Date: Oct 24, 2007
(When I wrote this in 2007, the breakup so fresh, you could taste it. I was knee-deep in a I’m-going-to-die-alone-surrounded-by-cats post-breakup funk. Which, thankfully isn’t reflected in what you’re about to read — because that’s not really how I roll)
Are you taller than your best friend?
Juuuuuuuuuuust barely. But she has a complex, and would say she was taller than me. And the jolly green giant.
Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Papermate flex grip ultra, medium blue point. As far as I can tell, they don’t make them anymore, so I guess it’s a good thing I stole three boxes from UAMC before I left…
Look at your planner for September 14, what did you do?
Um…I’m sans planner — but I’m guessing I was assisting Kristina with some sort of pre-wedding issue.
What color are your toenails usually?
Their normal color? Or OPI “Oh to be 25 Again.”
What was the last thing you highlighted?
Have you ever had a black and white cat?
As a pet, never. In a questionable Chinese place, perhaps.
Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
I don’t ever use the ATM. If I can’t use a debit card then something has gone horribly awry.
Who was the last baby that you held?
Karoline – Kristin & Ben’s baby girl.
Can you spell well?
No. I blame Westowne Elementary School.
(Seriously, I am an atrocious speller.)
What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
The same one I am now – le civic.
(Sadly, this is still correct.)
Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
How about Albus Dumbledore or another Gay Warlock Headmaster?
Last time you went to Six Flags?
I can say, with some certainty, not since they hired that creepy fake old guy for all their commercials…
Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
No, I despise wallpaper.
Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
My crazy landlady of a grandmother.
(She’s not crazy. Love you, Nanny.)
Closest framed picture to you?
Me & Kristina at Jen & Danny’s WT wedding.
(True story — Kristina and I were intentionally not invited to this wedding, because the bride hated us — I sort of called her White Trash in an email, that the IT people then forwarded to her. We convinced our friends who were invited with plus-ones to bring us as their dates. Then we got drunk, and she ruined one of the best pictures ever taken of me by making this face…
… also, she’s really, really, pretty when she’s not making this face. Just in case you were wondering.)
Last time you had someone cook for you?
My mom made me dinner yesterday, and some anonymous line cook prepared my dinner this evening.
Last time you received flowers?
Two weeks ago, because I had a bad day, and my boss is awesome.
(When Gary & I broke up, Kate gave me flowers. She’s so sweet.)
Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
Do you play air guitar?
No. But I do play air tambourine.
Do you take anything in your coffee?
I usually just stick my finger in it and make some comment about how sweet I am. But that’s a lie. It still needs sugar.
(I still do this.)
Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
No, but my mom has a lot. And as the only child, she likes to constantly remind me that one day (which is code for when she dies) they’ll ALL be mine.
Last time you used hand sanitizer?
I honestly don’t know. I like to live dangerously. I laugh in the face of staph infections.
Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Are they like the air tambourine?
What color are the blinds in your living room?
I don’t have any. Which is probably why I always think that creepy guy across the street is watching me.
(I’m pretty sure he was.)
What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Hmmm…Cici’s maybe, because it’s cheap and delicious… just like your mom.
Have you ever worn a crown?
Only the one I drunkenly stole for an hour from Katie Sterling in, like, 2002?
What is the last thing you stapled?
A press release about naked old ladies in Virginia. True story. I have the best job ever.
(I really, really did.)
Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
I did! I love scientific advancements. Really, why focus on such pithy things as AIDS and cancer when we can make our favorite drinks crystal clear?
Are you ticklish?
(In response to this question, my best friend’s police-officer husband told me “When someone asks if you are tickleish… they are going to touch you.” I know. I’m pretty sure I invented that.)
Who is the last person that left you a message that you actually returned?
Megan. She threatened me with becoming the sad single lady who owns multiple cats.
(See? Surrounded by cats. I was convinced.)
Can you give one reason why David Caruso is allowed to keep acting?
Um — his luxurious red locks?
Do you have a little black dress?
Several. I’m very important.
(Yes, I am.)