But really, I wasn’t.
I don’t run.
If you see me, and I’m running, you should be running too. Because if I’m running, there is a rabid animal/chupacabra/escaped tiger/cloverfield monster RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
I avoid running at all costs — but not because I’m lazy or out of shape (even though I am both of those things). No, I avoid running like the plague because I have the knees of a 70-year-old woman.
While all of my friends are training for half-marathons or starting their Couch to 5k programs — I’m at home hobbling up the stairs, cursing my body’s inability to grow new cartilage, or laying on the sofa with ice packs on both knees.
I grew really, really fast. By sixth grade I was almost six feet tall. Sadly, this made dancing with boys even more awkward that usual — but it also gave me the advantage on the basketball court. By the time I was 18, after 10 years of basketball and another four of volleyball, my knees called it quits — and I had my first knee surgery. Then three years later, I had another. I found out a few weeks ago that one of the most common side effects of this kind of surgery (especially in female athletes) is degenerative osteoarthritis. Doctors apparently know this. And no one opted to tell us.
After reading that article (thanks, NPR) I sent it to my mother, to ask her if she remembered anyone ever mentioning that this could be a problem.
“You aren’t going to add this to the “pot” story, are you? Like, I burned you with a pot, punched you, and then let them do surgery on your knees so you’d end up with arthritis?“
Ummm… no? Of course not?
Anyway… I don’t run. Also my knees creak, snap and grind so much I would be a terrible cat burglar, so I can cross that off my list of dream jobs.
My old-lady knees also make exercising, etc. difficult. It’s a vicious circle really — if I exercise, my knees hurt. But they’d hurt less if I wasn’t carrying around an extra 40 pounds, and exercise is kind of key to weight loss, last time I checked…
So at the gym, my bff is the elliptical. It’s the only thing that doesn’t make the hobbling worse than it already is. (Also, it’s been instrumental in the 11 pounds I lost already this month, holla!)
So remember, if you see me running… look for cover or climb a tree.